Covenant Love
Gary Chapman is a well known author and speaker on the topic of love, marriage, and relationships. You may have heard of his book, The 5 Love Languages. He once wrote:
“Covenant love is conscious love. It is intentional love. It is a commitment to love no matter what. It requires thought and action. It does not wait for the encouragement of warm emotions but chooses to look out for the interest of the other party because you are committed to the other’s well-being.” ― Gary Chapman
That’s a good word for relationships, for marriages, but it’s also a good word for the church.
“Covenant love is conscious love. It is intentional love.”
Jesus himself once said,
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” – John 13:34–35
Driving Home from Church
I remember hearing a story about a guy who left church one Sunday morning—probably just like some of us will do today. He pulls out of the parking lot, humming the last worship song, sermon notes still warm in his hand.
He gets to the first red light. The light turns green…and the car in front of him doesn’t move. So he does what any sanctified Christian would do—he honks. Then honks again. Then waves his arms. Then mouths something you definitely don’t learn in Sunday school.
Finally, the car moves and he’s on his way—until he hits a stop sign. There’s a guy crossing the street with his dog. And this dog is moving at the speed of molasses. The guy’s on his phone, scrolling, strolling, living his best life. Our friend rolls down the window and lovingly encourages him to pick up the pace…with volume. And a few choice words.
Then he’s back on the road again—until someone flies up behind him, cuts him off, and now it’s over. He floors it, passes the car back, and as he goes by, he offers a greeting out the window. Not the kind of loving greeting you would expect to receive from a good church going guy like this on Valentine’s weekend of all days!
That’s when he sees the red and blue lights.
He pulls over, confused. The officer walks up and says, “Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?”
The man says, “No! I wasn’t speeding. I didn’t break any laws!”
The officer says, “You’re right, you didn’t. But I watched you leave church. I saw the John 3:16 sticker on your bumper. You’ve got a Jesus Saves decal too. Then I watched you lose your mind at a red light, yell at a guy walking his dog, and almost baptize someone in road rage.”
The officer leans in and says,
“I figured the car must be stolen—because there’s no way someone driving like that belongs to Jesus.”
Love
But we live in a world where rage is common, even for church going Christians! Maybe that’s because we live in a world that more and more lacks love.
We still talk about love, sing love songs, watch movies with heart warming love stories. We still love love.
But real love, and some of you know this… You’ve been married for a long time, you’ve lived through the highs and lows, the “for better and for worse” years, so you know this… real love isn’t just about emotion. It’s about action. It’s about a decision to love come what may.
When Jesus gathered with His disciples on the mountain side, he had something to say about love. He was inviting these first followers into a new way of living. But in order to step into a new way of living, new life, He knew they needed to know that this would require a new way of loving.
Today we’re going to work through a longer section of the Sermon on the Mount, and we’re going to read it in reverse. After Jesus gives us the beatitudes and teaches us what it looks like to be blessed in His kingdom, after He teaches us about being salt and light in this world and doing good deeds that point people to our Father in Heaven, Jesus moves into a series of six short teachings.
You’ll find these six teachings in Matthew 5. We talked about the first one, anger, a couple of weeks ago. Today I want to address the other five. They are all rooted in one idea: LOVE.
In Reverse
Typically, we might read through these from top to bottom but I want to begin at the end because I want you to understand the context that Jesus is giving this teaching. He’s going to root everything He’s about to say in one big idea.
So this last teaching begins in Matthew 5.43-47. Listen to what Jesus says:
43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.
Sometimes these six teachings are called the Antitheses, because Jesus starts each one with… “You have heard it said, but I say…” What Jesus is doing here is taking the law of Moses and giving the people His interpretation of God’s Word. This is what Rabbis would do. They would read the Scripture and explain them, teach them, and instruct people how to live in light of them. Who better to do that than Jesus?
But here’s what’s interesting, what Jesus teaches, these aren’t antitheses, He’s not changing the law of Moses or countering the law of Moses. Jesus Himself said He came to fulfill it! (5v17). Jesus is extending the law of Moses, reading the law of Moses in light of the love of God and teaching His disciples a new way live.
What does it look like to live your life following the way of Jesus?
It begins and ends with love. Everything Jesus teaches here is rooted in the love command. He’s going to make this crystal clear later on. In Matthew 22 He’ll say,
37 …“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
For Jesus, the entire law hangs on the love command. So Jesus teaches us to love our neighbors AND our enemies. You might wonder, how is that possible? The Good News is that Jesus doesn’t just teach us to do this, He shows us how to do this. We could look at a number of different stories to see how Jesus lived this out and loved even His enemies, but is there a more powerful demonstration of this teaching than the cross?
The apostle Paul made it crystal clear what happened at the cross when he wrote to the church in Rome. He said,
“For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son.” – Romans 5.10
As a result of our sin, our rebellion, our corruption, our decision to follow our own way instead of the way of God, we were categorically enemies of God. Yet, God in His infinite mercy and grace still loved us and saved us through the death of His Son, our Savior, on the cross!
Jesus, hanging from the cross, Jesus cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” – Luke 23:34
Here’s the challenge — we are called to love our enemies in the same way. Jesus made that crystal clear when He said…
“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.” – Matthew 16.24
You and I are called to be people of the cross. To live cross shaped lives. To love our friends, our neighbors, and our enemies. To love the very people who put you on a cross — that’s what Jesus did. And that’s what we’re called to do. The question we have to constantly ask ourselves is simply this: Is the story we tell the story we live?
Jesus calls us into a new way of living in the Sermon on the Mount. It’s rooted in a new way to love. He calls us to love who He loves the way He loves.
Eye for an Eye
So, reading in reverse, we read what Jesus teaches next about revenge. He says,
38 “You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. 40 If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. 41 If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. 42 Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow. – Matthew 5.38-42
Even today, we tend to work with an eye for an eye mentality. You do this to me, I’ll do this to you, or get this from you, in order to make things right, make things even. Jesus talks about this. He goes from talking about violence and being slapped on the cheek, to being wronged, robbed, and taken advantage of. What do we do when that happens? How do we respond? How do we retaliate? We respond in LOVE.
**Quick Side note: Jesus is not here saying that anyone should stay in an abusive relationship. I just want to make that clear. If you or someone you love is in a relationship like that, it is not God’s desire that you remain in harm’s way. And if we can help you in any way, we want to do that.
When we turn the other cheek, give our shirt and our cloak, too, when we go the second mile, we demonstrate our freedom to love the other person of our own volition. Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a decision of our own free will to go above and beyond in the demonstration of the extravagant love of God. The old saying is, “Hurt people hurt people.” That’s usually what happens. But as followers of Jesus, when we are wronged, hurt, or mistreated in some way, we respond in love!
Yes Be Yes
Next, Jesus says in v33…
33 “You have also heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the Lord.’ 34 But I say, do not make any vows! Do not say, ‘By heaven!’ because heaven is God’s throne. 35 And do not say, ‘By the earth!’ because the earth is his footstool. And do not say, ‘By Jerusalem!’ for Jerusalem is the city of the great King. 36 Do not even say, ‘By my head!’ for you can’t turn one hair white or black. 37 Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one. – Matthew 5.33-37
When you love someone, really love someone, your YES and your NO are enough because love does what love says it will do. Love is reliable. It is trustworthy. It is true. As followers of Jesus, loved by God and called to love one another, we are to be impeccable with our speech.
Our words are held to the highest standard. Everything we say should be reliable, dependable, helpful, and true.
This is one of the things that sets us a part as followers of Jesus. We live in a world where it’s hard to know what’s true sometimes, where people don’t tell the truth, or the whole truth, or spin the truth to work in their favor. Not so with disciples of Jesus. We speak truth in love. We do what we say we will do because that’s what love does.
Marriage
Before this, Jesus takes on another big topic but he roots this teaching in the love of God as well. He says in v31…
31 “You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ 32 But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery. – Matthew 5.31-32
Divorce was a big topic in Jesus’ day and it’s a concern in our day and time as well. And we don’t have time to break this all the way down this morning, but what I want you to see is that Jesus roots this teaching as well in the love command.
Part of what was happening in the days of Jesus is that men were divorcing their wives, sometimes without good reason or cause, and in that day and time one great problem this created for the woman is that now she had no means of support, no way to live. This would often mean she would have to remarry just to be provided for and survive!
God’s will for marriage is faithful love. Covenant love. One man, one woman, forever. (Malachi 2.14-16).
Back up a few more verses, and Jesus talks more about adultery, starting in v 27…
27 “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. – Matthew 5.27-30
Does anyone have any questions about how Jesus feels about lust and adultery?
Jesus uses the strongest words possible here to clearly communicate the heart of God for us in our relationships with one another. Is adultery wrong? Yes. Absolutely. No debate. But Jesus takes it a step further and says, don’t even look at another woman in that way.
I love the way Proverbs talks about this in Proverbs 6.27. It says,
“Can a man carry fire next to his chest
and his clothes not be burned?“
It’s where we get the old saying, “If you play with fire, you’re going to get burned!” Jesus says, this is not the way of God. The way of God in our relationships and in our marriage relationships is the way of love.
Be Perfect
You may have noticed earlier, I didn’t read the very last verse in this chapter.
Jesus finished this entire section of teaching in v48 with these words…
48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.
You may think when you hear that, “be perfect,” that this is unrealistic and unattainable! How can Jesus call us to be perfect!? We can’t be perfect. There is only One person who has ever been perfect and we worship Him!
This word “perfect” literally means wholeness or completeness. It’s the idea of loving God and loving others with all our hearts, with an undivided heart. Jesus is calling us to be perfect in our love for one another. This is not a call to perfection in a legalistic way, but a call to live life in a different direction, in the way of LOVE!
More Love
“Covenant love is conscious love. It is intentional love.” – Gary Chapman
How can you love your friends, your neighbors, and even your enemies with the love of God? How can you be the manifest presence of the love of God to others?
Helmut Thielicke, a well known German theologian who lived from 1908-1986, once wrote this in a book entitled, “The God Who Won’t Let Go,”
“Among many long, complicated sentences in a book by the German philosopher Jorg Splett, I found this simple gem, “Every person needs more love than he or she deserves.” How clear. How true. No scholarly language is needed to explain this, but it is nonetheless profound. When we read this little sentence, all kinds of people come to our mind to confirm it: people who need more love than they deserve. Perhaps you think of an undocumented alien or a homeless person or a drug addict. But you don’t have to go beyond the circle of your own acquaintances. In your own surroundings, in your nearest neighborhood, you will find people who need more love than they deserve. Upon deeper reflection, something of the spirit of the Sermon on the Mount can grow in us, a certain kindliness and mercy which every community needs.
This statement also applies much closer to home. It describes me. I am such a person! I myself need more love than I deserve. In order to delve into this sentence more deeply, notice that it really states two truths: first, that I need love; and secondly, more of it than I deserve.”
Every person needs more love than he or she deserves. And in the Kingdom of Heaven, we have received more love than we deserve and we are called to love others with more than they deserve.
We are called to…
Love others with the love the God.
God is love.
He has loved us more than we deserve. And we are called to choose the way of love. To love our friends, our neighbors, and even our enemies with the love of God.
This is not easy, but this is the way of the Kingdom. And when we do this, as we do this, we point the world around us to the great love of God revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Who can you show the love of God to this week? At some point this week you’re going to find yourself in a difficult situation (at a Red Light, or a cross walk!), or there will be an opportunity for you do something loving, or the Holy Spirit may prompt you to do something for someone you wouldn’t normally do.
Can I encourage you, Choose love. Choose the way of love. Love your friends, your neighbors, even your enemies, with the love of God this week and see what happens!
What if we all did that? How amazing would that be?
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